I have been thinking a lot about people with control need recently. I understood one thing: their minds are great. They are fast. Their thoughts shift from wishes and ideas to worries, from past to future, from here to there. Very fast. There is incredibly much energy in those brains. Wild horses. They compensate the inability to master the whirlpool of their thoughts with the need to control at least the outside. To tidy, to order, to plan, to do stuff all the time. This ability can be very useful and appreciated not least for certain (most of the) jobs. It’s good to take care of it and sustain it. It can be an advantage to carry such a mind. But very often it is not. It frustrates, it bothers, it causes sleepless nights and days full of worries, it brings anxiety, it distracts and the only moments keeping one sane are those of some kind of control over the external happenings. Pseudo-peace.
The thing is that to me the “problem” is not solved by plans and order or by doing something all the time or by switching the mind off by staring into the TV. It’s a temporary solution bringing no peace as it is impossible to control everything in the outside world. There will always be something or someone new coming. The variety of possible alternatives for developments of each situation is endless.
Have you ever talked to a friend? A friend, you can ask everything. And you also tolerate a friend more than others. For a friend you have understanding. And patience. A friend you could take everywhere with you. You are honest to a friend. It’s easier to be open minded with a friend. A friend, you trust. A friend makes you feel free. A friend is there for you and you are there for a friend.
Make friends with your mind. With your thoughts. They appear for a reason. No no… do not say “but” and ask “why” instead. You can ask why and find honest answers. As they come from within. The answers are also there. Blaming others or the past is never the final answer. Dig deeper.
You can take your time with your mind and thoughts. You can just let them be as you would let your friend just be, if needed.
Trying to block a thought, you know it will be there anyway. And it will come back. It is better to let it in and understand where it comes from instead of fighting it. When you understand it, you can do something about it or you will find out that there is no need to act upon it.
Your mind will make you feel free when you accept it with all its fabulosity, imagination, variety and alterations. And learn to harvest them instead. The weaknesses will become your strengths.
Another aspect of it all is another choice we can make. All the thoughts that we have come from what we know, experience, see and hear through our own filter. Imagine how much we see, hear, experience and know and how little of it we run through our mind. What do you choose? And how? Does it make you feel good?
This one is to you my dear dear control freaks. Your minds are so powerful! And you can choose between fighting the external Quijote fight with new and new things to control or make friends with its energy to create and develop.