because losing our way would be the most cruel thing.

Losing your way on a journey is unfortunate. But losing your reason for a journey is way more cruel. Sometimes I traveled alone. Sometimes there were others who took the wheel and took my heart. But when the destination was reached, it was not me who arrived. It was not me at all. And once you lose yourself, you have two choices. Find the person you used to be or lose that person completely. Because sometimes you have to step outside of the person you have been and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are. (One Tree Hill, 2nd serie, last episode)

I saw this episode before I went home to Slovakia and it was very suitable for what I was going through. I do not feel I lost myself, but myself was missing parts of itself. And the journey home has brought them back together. The traveling from Berlin to Bratislava helped me to see the places that have formed me. Where I found my dreams, where I felt my drive. Being at home and meeting my family and friends made me feel it again. I felt (!!!) and not just knew who I was. 

People in my life have inspired me, some have changed my perspective, some made me laugh or cry, some made me think, some made me doubt, some made me believe, some made me swear, some made me fight, some made me give up, some made me to wish, some made me forget, some I forgot, some I remember, some are still on my mind, some are occupying my heart, some make my soul squeeze, some took my trust away, some gave me hopes, some played games with my emotions, some used me, some helped me, some where there for me, some made me regret, some made me thankful, some tried to stop me (some of them succeeded), some tried to ”restart” me (some of them succeeded), some made me feel rich, some made me feel empty, some made me wonder, some made me do wonders…

I could go on and go on and the list would be endless.

When I think of those few days at home in Slovakia and those people I spent the days with, I feel my whole history and I am thankful that I got them as a bonus to my life. We laugh, we talk serious, we are so different but still so close and I feel myself instead of just knowing who I am. These people made me strong and made my life pink for me. 

Merci, danke, tack, thanks a DAKUJEM =)

It’s been a month since I came home from the meeting of Secretary Generals from European Youth Forum organizations and since then I am carrying around a thought. We were discussing our demands from European Youth Forum, how should the European Youth Forum communicate towards the members  so there is also some response and how can we make things happen.

I think that it is important to have European Youth Forum. European Youth Forum represents the voice of young people and creates a path for them to have easier life. Simply spoken. BUT my question is: to what extend is the voice of European Youth Forum representative?

We (Active, European Youth Forum and similar bodies) say that young peole want to be involved, they want to have an impact on their future, they want to be able to influence, they want, they care, they do…

But is it really like that? I am not talking about the exceptions of course! We have a few people who enjoy sitting in the boards of organizations, who love to have opinions and fight for them, who believe that they can change something and also act upon that.

And then we have many young people who if you ask them, will say – yes of course I want to change something, I want to be involved etc. But inspite of those “needs” they count on others to fix that for them. They love to “delegate” their responsibility on few brave individuals who love reponsibility and love to have opinions. This is not really surprising in the democratic system as we have it in the Western world. People choose their representatives. But they also let the others to tell them what their opinion is.

And there we are – then we have a group of eager exceptions, who represent the voice of young people and say that young people want to be involved and want this or that. Which I consider just half truth seeing the reactions of young people when we give them the chance to do what they “told” us they want to do.

So I have been thinking. At this moment, the voice of young people comes from the “top of the pyramid”. The leaders do not listen very much to what the members actually want. Sometimes because they simply do not listen, sometimes because they do not understand and sometimes, because the members do not have demands. On the other hand, those who got a bit more involved and understand all the hierarchies and all the systems, have demands and have opinions, which is logical. Just that they are just few. Many demands are pretty artificial. Or not representative. 

So what to do with that?

PS Greetings to all the exceptions I talked about! I know you are out there =D

“One may think we’re alright
But we need pills to sleep at night
We need lies to make it through the day
We’re not okay

One may think we’re doing fine
But if I had to lay it on the line
We’re losing ground with every passing day
We’re not okay”

… I agree! If we need chemicals to be able to switch off the brain and not to have daymares when closing eyes, if we can not deal with memories or stress without some promiles in our blood then something is wrong and it’s time to stop for a while.

The text comes from One Tree Hill. Original Ayn Rand.

..that sticky notes don’t lie

and that the song: Devil Archeist (Bethany Joy) is pretty good!

In todays newspaper I’ve read a short note from a study in which research discovered that culture (or where we are from) has an impact on our biological reaction. The reward system in brain reacts on different situations depending where the “owner” of the brain comes from. People in USA got rewarded by their dominant behaviour while the poeple in Japan activated the reward centre by inferior behaviour.  Brain rewards different patterns of behaviour in different cultures. Meaning (in this case)- we create what will or will not be rewarded.

When reading this, I think for myselef: ‘not really weird, since the culture teaches us how to behave and by which behaviour fit in the society’  We are encouraged to do one or another thing almost before we come to this world. I believe in social constructs and I do not take the biology for excuse. I was happy to read the article with many different examples where the biology and culture interfere. The author said: ..”we have a free will and power to choose ourselves despite our fast and automatic reactions”

Yes! We choose! We choose every minute of every day and we are responsible for the way we look at the world and what we do with it! We are not victims of either biology or culture.

I have a huge need to go home (to Slovakia) for a while and I will. I need to live my history, to meet my childhood and also my dreams I had back there in Slovakia.

I’m sitting in the bus on the way from a hanball match. We lost but we do not need to feel bad about our performance . From the time perspective it’s better to play matches at home. But it is also very nice to get some moments just for myself when sitting in the bus heading home from match we played in other town. It’s very calming to pass towns, to see how it’s getting darker and darker outiside, feel the eternity of nature, feel the atmosphere from the small lamps lit in windows. It’s a magic feeling to be moving through the world that seems like it has stopped for while. I’m thankful for this moment that I have just for myself. And I’m thankful for the game I can play. Handball gives me strength and doubts. It makes me often doubt about myself but it also forces me to go over the doubts, it brings moments when I feel pure joy just from the movement, just because I can. The game in its pure form takes me to another world where there are no bills to pay, deadlines to follow, conflicts to solve. I’m thankful that once many years ago I decided to join my friend at handball training and that my body cooperates and I still can,

I have been thinking recently and I decided to share. I was thinking about small things that can make one happy. And also about how can one make oneself happy. So two different approaches.

The previous “EVS” year, I had a collegue, who had learnt a slovak phrase “pekna si” = “U r pretty”. She used that phrase almost each time we met. It was a small insignificant joke which was actually pretty significant. It created good atmosphere each time. Another example would be from handball when one of my teammates welcomed each player who entered the sport hall in the beginning of the training with a sentence: ”Så kult att just DU är här” = “So cool that particularly YOU are here”. We all knew she repeated it for each and every one but each of us smiled and kept good mood for some time of the training. Again – it was a small thing, maybe even not really meant seriously, but still had a big impact. I think it’s each persons responsibility to be aware of the fact that we do have impact on others around us and we can actually make a day nice for someone. Everyday. Another question is whether we allow ourselves to be happy about small insignificant things and whether we allow others to make us happy.

And that leads me to another point. The first part of this blog was about what we can do for others or what others can do for us to make us happy or feel good. But one should be able to make oneself happy as well. Or find small things that can lighten up the day. When I was little I used be excited about such things like meeting a cute classmate in the school, going for a school trip, being so happy about presents I got that I took them to my bed so I could look at them untill I would fall asleep and then see them as soon I would open my eyes. I used to be happy about each new thing I had learnt that day and the happiness lasted for some time.Then later on at some point all those things became “normal”.  So I wonder. Do we need to long for something to be happy? And for how long does happiness caused by a saturated need last? Would I ever feel that happiness that will make me jump and smile around and dare to do whatever I feel for regardless the people around me if I had everything I needed? Like ever.With no new aims and needs? And when is it that an exciting experience becomes normal? Where is the line between normal and unusual in the frames of our routines?

I have just come home from the cinema. I watched “Fame”. I expected some dancing and singing. I got that. And I also got some thoughts to play with,  inspiration and the most important (to me) - I got into mood to chase for new dreams. Such feelings after watching a movie I like!

I recommend the movie!