“One may think we’re alright
But we need pills to sleep at night
We need lies to make it through the day
We’re not okay
One may think we’re doing fine
But if I had to lay it on the line
We’re losing ground with every passing day
We’re not okay”
… I agree! If we need chemicals to be able to switch off the brain and not to have daymares when closing eyes, if we can not deal with memories or stress without some promiles in our blood then something is wrong and it’s time to stop for a while.
The text comes from One Tree Hill. Original Ayn Rand.
In todays newspaper I’ve read a short note from a study in which research discovered that culture (or where we are from) has an impact on our biological reaction. The reward system in brain reacts on different situations depending where the “owner” of the brain comes from. People in USA got rewarded by their dominant behaviour while the poeple in Japan activated the reward centre by inferior behaviour. Brain rewards different patterns of behaviour in different cultures. Meaning (in this case)- we create what will or will not be rewarded.
When reading this, I think for myselef: ‘not really weird, since the culture teaches us how to behave and by which behaviour fit in the society’ We are encouraged to do one or another thing almost before we come to this world. I believe in social constructs and I do not take the biology for excuse. I was happy to read the article with many different examples where the biology and culture interfere. The author said: ..”we have a free will and power to choose ourselves despite our fast and automatic reactions”
Yes! We choose! We choose every minute of every day and we are responsible for the way we look at the world and what we do with it! We are not victims of either biology or culture.
I’m sitting in the bus on the way from a hanball match. We lost but we do not need to feel bad about our performance . From the time perspective it’s better to play matches at home. But it is also very nice to get some moments just for myself when sitting in the bus heading home from match we played in other town. It’s very calming to pass towns, to see how it’s getting darker and darker outiside, feel the eternity of nature, feel the atmosphere from the small lamps lit in windows. It’s a magic feeling to be moving through the world that seems like it has stopped for while. I’m thankful for this moment that I have just for myself. And I’m thankful for the game I can play. Handball gives me strength and doubts. It makes me often doubt about myself but it also forces me to go over the doubts, it brings moments when I feel pure joy just from the movement, just because I can. The game in its pure form takes me to another world where there are no bills to pay, deadlines to follow, conflicts to solve. I’m thankful that once many years ago I decided to join my friend at handball training and that my body cooperates and I still can,
People do not want to be compassionate very often. They want to be right instead. (Karen Armstrong at TED talks)
I was watching TED talks for breakfast and found one by a scientist who was looking into understanding others peoples minds. She introduced the presentation with the following sentence that has gotten directly into my heart:
I know you think you understand what you thought I said but I am not sure you realize what you heard is not what I meant. (Alan Greenspan)
It´s good to keep smth like that on mind when we are talking to each other. I am that kind of talker who is able to say things in one sentence (ok in few). I have no need to talk a lot though I have learnt that one sentence (perfectly understandable to me) is not enough for all the people listening to me. So I put some effort into my performance and try to use more words and sentences bringing more details into the daylight. Keeping the quotation on my mind, I think I will have more fun developing what I want to say when trying to deliver a message.
My thoughts are at the moment “inspired” by a blog of a swedish politician who was upset by some other politicians (don´t want to go into details) who did not dress and perform according to the code of behaviour in the swedish parliament. Instead of wearing black suit, he had jeans and instead of standing and singing Kings song he was sitting and not singing. And I realized that this behaviour would never make me write a blog and being upset. I would not give it even a thought.
And I ask myself why? Is it cause I do not care?
And the answer is YES. I do not care for state symbols, I do not care for rituals and I think that those who want to follow them, might do that as much as they wish but there is nothing bad about not doing so. Just try to imagine: An anthem is played/sang and all people are sitting instead of standing. Some people even eating some hotdog or smth. What happens? Nothing. The world spins as it has done before, the rain falls, the flowers bloom and the sun rises up again.
I think instead of all the codes of act for various ceremonies etc, we should be more eager at following simple rules of treating our plant nice – like trash only to trash bins, switching of electricity when it is not needed, saving water. And instead of showing respect by being dressed in a cerain way, I think we could practice solidarity much more often and care for each other in the cases that actually matter.
You know, the parliamentarians in Slovakia (I can’t speak for Sweden really) are often dressed correct. But how much do they actually do? So for me the results of politics are more relevant than the costumes the politics is done in.
Facebook usually asks this question. And I have a too long answer for a “status line” on Facebook so I am writing here:
I have come back from Fredrikstad an hour ago. Am in Göteborg now, in IOGT International office . I find it pretty cool. I slept here yesterday before going to the AC meeting in Norway and now I´ll sleep here afterwards. The reason is the pretty complicated connection to Örebro but I do not complain. Being here helped me to tune my mind for this day.
When I studied at the University, I used to feel thankful every day I went home after several hours of lectures. I felt I had spent the day meaningful and that I had been moving forward. I have missed this feeling for some time now. I still thought that my days have been meaningful but the feeling was missing. Interesting enough but there was no time for the feeling. Recently I have been bouncing between deadlines and questioning my work. I haven´t stopped believing in what I am doing but I have been wondering whether there is general need for the “service” I offer or whether I just do it for my own good feeling about myself. All the campaigns and seminars and workshops and lectures and concepts and articles…I have enjoyed doing most of it but is anyone profiting out of it? In any sense – from a good feeling to a new motivation. Having this thoughts on my mind, I haven´t felt the thankfulness for my life in my heart for some time.
I felt it today. At such moments I feel my eyes are more open, I feel stronger and walk straight. I smile.
I needed this day. I needed to meet people who think in the same direction as I do (eventhough I am sure we have many different opinions). I felt I have grown. As a person, as a board member. And I felt inspiration. I was around people who make me dream, who make me have plans, who make me wanna see a new personal goal.
I am tired right now. Physically. Feel a bit dizzy because of lack of sleep but I also feel fresh. Mentally. And I feel I am at the right place right now.
My parents were visting me here in Sweden and went home on saturday 2.45 in the morning. I could not leave them leave alone so inspite of the late hour I went with them to the bus station and then back home alone (biking). The town was pretty lively. Many groups and individuals outside. My presence in the night town was commented by a small whistle or some small comments from total strangers and I was afraid. All the people had something in common. All of them were drunk. I did not really like the feeling of insecurity like I felt for those 3 – 5 minutes of biking. For me it was just few minutes of fear and rational understanding that nothing can happen to me – I was sober having my body and mind under control and I had bike to escape if neccessary. In spite of that I did not feel safe untill I came home. What about those who have this at home? Every day?
I had a very very bad dream last night. I tried to kill Dante – my own dog. I somehow understood from somewhere that he should be killed so I was trying. At the same time I was very soft so he survived. My means were for example – exposing him for a moving bike (!!!) After some time I got tired, dante was a bit hurt but otherwise OK, just laying around, very calm, doing nothing. I was looking at him and I understood that he does not need to be killed and that I do not need to get rid of him. The other way around. I actually wanted to keep him. I wanted to have him. Then I woke up. Went to hug Dante, was thankful for just seeing him. This dream influenced my day. It was all the time somewhere deep in my thoughts. I was thinking why would I dream such a horrible thing. I love that little creature and my heart is breaking each time I have to leave him (when going somewhere for more than a day and he can not come with me). Why really?
Maybe there is something else in my life I really love but I am also trying to get rid of it. I will definitely reconsider my choices.
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